


If Forever’s Not Within Our Grasp

by ReverberatingEchoes



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kuro cries, M/M, Mahiru cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 06:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReverberatingEchoes/pseuds/ReverberatingEchoes
Summary: The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: One day, his identity as Kuro and his time with Mahiru will become a mere bittersweet memory tucked into the edges of his heart.The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: One day, when Mahiru is no longer by his side, Kuro will become Sleepy Ash once more, except this time, he will become the Sleepy Ash who experienced love and happiness but lost them to time in the end.The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: Mahiru Shirota has easily become everything to him and Kuro isn't confident he can pick up the pieces after Mahiru is long gone.Or,Kuro thinks of a future without Mahiru by his side and finds it painfully lonely. Mahiru does his best to comfort him in his own way.





	If Forever’s Not Within Our Grasp

**Author's Note:**

  * For [orangescribbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangescribbles/gifts).



> My dear friend, light of my life, healing balm of my soul, this has been in my drafts since Christmas Eve last year. I had fully intended to give it to you as a Christmas gift, or even as a birthday gift. 
> 
>  
> 
> Sadly, I failed to meet my own deadline. OTL OTL
> 
>  
> 
> This is several weeks late but I wanted to gift this to you no matter what. OTL Please excuse my tardiness and I hope, hope, you enjoy this fic!
> 
>  
> 
> Your friendship means the world to me and I don’t get to properly thank you for everything you do for me and all of the support and the beautiful beautiful prose you always send my way. I love you lots, my friend <3 <3, thank you for being born and for being one of my dearest friends. 
> 
>  
> 
> Belated, belated Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!!

\--   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kuro holds moments like these close to his heart.     
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mahiru is nestled beside him, head resting on Kuro’s shoulder and napping quietly. It’s not often that Mahiru allows himself to sleep the afternoon away, so Kuro decides to let his Eve use him as a makeshift pillow.    
  
  
  
  
  


  
Studying the other’s features, Kuro can’t help but notice how exhausted Mahiru looks. In between attending classes, training with the other Eves and doing housework, Kuro briefly wonders where Mahiru finds time to rest, if he properly rests at all.    
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A part of Kuro wishes he could tell the other to pause and breathe for a bit, to not work himself too hard, but with how determined Mahiru is and with how serious the war is turning out to be, Kuro thinks that it’s safe to assume that his efforts will be in vain. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


It doesn't mean Kuro won't worry, though.)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Learn to take a break, will you?” Kuro whispers to his sleeping companion, “You’re going to end up sending me to an early grave with how reckless you are sometimes. Doesn’t matter if I can’t die, you’ll probably end up killing me with how much you worry me, Mahiru.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mahiru, predictably, only responds by snuggling closer. Kuro sighs and lies down on the sofa, adjusting Mahiru’s position so that the other is laying on top of his chest, legs tangled in his. Kuro drapes an arm over Mahiru’s back to make sure he doesn’t fall off. It’s a testament to Mahiru’s exhaustion that he doesn’t even stir at all.    
  
  
  
  
  


  
Kuro gently runs his fingers through the other’s hair, smiling slightly when Mahiru makes a contented noise in his sleep.   
  


  
  
  
  
  
Kuro holds moments like these close to his heart.    
  
  
  
  
  


  
(It’s quiet moments like these that make Kuro believe that he’s truly, honestly happy.)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
His Eve is a reassuring weight on top of him, warm and solid and real and Kuro can’t help but think of the fact that happiness used to be such a farfetched dream to Sleepy Ash, to the Servamp of Sloth, but to Kuro-   
  
  
  
  
  


  
But to Kuro, his happiness exists in the form of Mahiru Shirota. And to this day Kuro still wonders just how it is that Mahiru was the one who ended up picking him up that day, that Mahiru was the one who gave him a new name and a home-    
  
  
  
  
  


  
That Mahiru ended up becoming the one person Kuro completely and willingly surrendered his heart to.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
Kuro wonders about this and finds it equal parts fortunate and unfortunate. Fortunate because it is Mahiru Shirota and Kuro will never regret meeting him, never regret giving Mahiru his heart in full, never regret having this time with him.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
Unfortunate because when all is said and done, Kuro will one day be left alone again. Unfortunate because Kuro is immortal and while being by Mahiru's side brings him the most happiness, it cannot change the fact that Kuro will outlive Mahiru by days, years, decades, centuries.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
(Unfortunate because what waits for Kuro at the end is solitude and loneliness, heavier and infinitely more painful now that Kuro has been given the chance to experience genuine companionship with Mahiru. Unfortunate because Kuro has no doubt his heart and soul will continue to long for the other even after he's gone, has no doubt he'll see traces of his Eve no matter where he goes, has no doubt he'll chase after the phantom warmth Mahiru once radiated.)   
  
  
  
  


 

  
The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: One day, his identity as Kuro and his time with Mahiru will become a mere bittersweet memory tucked into the edges of his heart.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: One day, when Mahiru is no longer by his side, Kuro will become Sleepy Ash once more, except this time, he will become the Sleepy Ash who experienced love and happiness but lost them to time, in the end.   
  
  
  
  
  


  
The truth, Kuro thinks, is this: Mahiru Shirota has easily become everything to him and Kuro isn't confident he can pick up the pieces after Mahiru is gone.    
  
  
  
  
  


  
Kuro's heart suddenly feels too heavy as he gazes at Mahiru's sleeping form.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
(How am I supposed to live in a world without you? How am I supposed to live in a world where you don’t exist anymore?)   
  
  
  
  


 

  
"Kuro?"   
  
  
  
  


 

  
Kuro startles at the sound of Mahiru's sleepy voice and the sight of him slowly waking up. His Eve looks at him with mild confusion before his eyes widen in alarm.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
"Kuro," Mahiru starts softly, any trace of sleepiness gone, "You're crying."   
  
  
  
  


 

  
And-   
  
  
  
  


 

  
Kuro hadn't noticed, not at all, but now that Mahiru's mentioned it, he's become all too aware of the warm tears running down his cheeks.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
Mahiru sits up fully and moves to gently pull Kuro up with him and Kuro wants to feel bad because he hadn't meant to wake his Eve up, but he can't bring himself to stop crying either.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
(Kuro's never really been one to cry so he surprises himself when his tears just continue falling.)   
  
  
  
  
  


  
"Kuro," His Eve murmurs, reaching out to wipe his tears away, "Kuro, what's wrong?"   
  
  
  
  
  


  
(How am I supposed to live in a world without you? How am I supposed to live in a world where you don’t exist anymore?)   
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro tries to silence his intrusive thoughts as he closes his eyes and leans into the other's warm touch.    
  
  
  
  


 

  
"Kuro," Mahiru repeats after a while, tone gentle, always gentle, "Can you tell me what's bothering you?"   
  


  
  
  
  
  


(And isn’t that a frightening thought to consider? The aftermath of what he and Mahiru have. What comes after Mahiru leaves and Kuro is left all alone. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


What happens then?)  

  
  
  
  
  
  


“It’s troublesome,” Kuro finally whispers.    
  
  
  
  


 

  
He hears Mahiru exhale softly. “What is?” The other asks patiently.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
_ That your time is limited. That mine has no end. That with everything the way it is, I can’t see a definite future for both of us, no matter how much I wish for it.  _   
  


  
  


  
  
  


The truth, Kuro thinks again, is this: One day, his identity as Kuro and his time with Mahiru will become a mere bittersweet memory tucked into the edges of his heart.   
  
  
  
  


 

  
The truth, Kuro thinks again, is this: One day, when Mahiru is no longer by his side, Kuro will become Sleepy Ash once more, except this time, he will become the Sleepy Ash who experienced love and happiness but lost them to time, in the end.   
  
  
  
  
  


  
The truth, Kuro thinks again, is this: Mahiru Shirota has easily become everything to him and Kuro isn't confident he can pick up the pieces after Mahiru is gone.    
  


  
  
  
  
  


“Mahiru,” Kuro begins quietly, “What should I do, when you’re gone?” Because Kuro has no answers and the heaviness in his heart only continues to grow with every passing moment. Because Kuro has no answers and the prospect of a life without Mahiru upsets him so much.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Because Kuro has no answers and he’s not certain he can find them by himself.    

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru doesn’t reply immediately. Kuro thinks he’s weighing the question in his mind, trying to understand what prompted Kuro to ask in the first place, trying to understand what Kuro means by the question. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


His Eve doesn’t reply immediately, only pulls Kuro into his arms. In response, Kuro embraces him back tighter, as if doing so would extend the time they have together.    
  
  
  
  
  


 

“Kuro,” Mahiru says and Kuro wants to always hear  _ this _ name, his name, from Mahiru’s lips.

  
  
  
  
  
  


But that’s not possible with the way things are. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Mahiru,” Kuro murmurs and his voice sounds broken, even to himself, “What should I do, when you’re gone?”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru runs his fingers through Kuro’s hair. “Why do you think I’ll leave you alone?” He asks carefully. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro exhales shakily. “I’m immortal, Mahiru,” He answers quietly, “Because of that, I can’t die the way other people ordinarily would. Because I can’t die, I’ll still be here after you’re long gone. And if you’re gone, I-”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle living in a world that you’re no longer in.  _

  
  
  
  
  


  
He feels Mahiru shuffle and finds the other cupping his cheek and looking at him with sad but tender eyes.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Mahiru, I’m scared.” Kuro whispers and he finds himself divulging all of the truths he’s kept close to his heart. “I’m scared because being by your side is what makes me the happiest. I’m scared because I don’t know what to do once you’re no longer by my side.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro keeps his eyes trained on Mahiru. “I’m scared,” Kuro says softly, “Because I love you and when I think of a world where you’re no longer by my side, it hurts so much.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru’s eyes widen slightly upon hearing his words. He remains quiet. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro slides his gaze away from Mahiru, wondering what the silence between them meant. That is, until he feels both of Mahiru’s hands on his cheeks. When Kuro looks at Mahiru again, he’s surprised to find his Eve close to crying.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Mahiru?” Kuro asks softly. Mahiru lets go of his cheeks to wipe his own tears away. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Kuro,” His Eve murmurs,“I’m sad that you’re hurting this much and I can’t do anything to take it away from you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru exhales softly. “I’m sad that you’re hurting this much and I can’t even promise you that everything will turn out alright in the end,” He continues, closing his eyes.

  
  
  
  
  


Kuro moves to draw Mahiru into his arms but before he can, his Eve opens his eyes and he sees determination and deep affection reflected in them.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“But that doesn’t mean I won’t try,” Mahiru declares with finality and he holds Kuro’s gaze. “I’m not giving up on a future with you, Kuro, not when I love you, too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro’s breath catches in his throat at the other’s admission. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Kuro, you make me so happy,” His Eve says, smiling tenderly at him, “I can’t bring myself to imagine what life without you would be like.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


And-

  
  
  
  
  
  


And hearing those words makes Kuro want to cry again. Mahiru draws him into his arms and Kuro presses his face against the other’s collarbones, his tears soaking his Eve’s shirt. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I want you to be happy, Kuro,” Mahiru whispers and Kuro wants to say  _ I am, I will be, as long as you’re here by my side, as long as you keep me by your side, I will never not be happy, I love you, I love you so much, _ but he can’t bring himself to say those words yet, let alone speak when he’s overcome by the intensity of his emotions.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro breathes in and lifts his head. He sees Mahiru gaze at him with unbridled affection and warmth and Kuro’s heart feels full. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro brings his face closer and gently kisses his Eve. Mahiru hums and returns the gesture tenderly.

  
  
  
  
  


When Kuro pulls away, Mahiru presses another kiss to his cheek and it catches him so off guard that Kuro feels heat rise to his cheeks. His Eve lets out a chuckle before grinning at him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Kuro,” Mahiru starts, voice soft, eyes softer, “I meant what I said about wanting a future together with you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I want that, too,” Kuro replies just as softly, “I want it more than anything.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru nods, smiling. “Then, simply thinking, we’ll just have to stay together,” He states easily and adds, “We’ll find a way to undo your immortality, Kuro. I’m not going to leave you alone.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


And-   

  
  
  
  
  
  


And Kuro, for the first time in a very long while, allows himself to hope.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“You really think we’ll be able to undo it?” Kuro asks quietly, but his heart is already full and hopeful and decided.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro thinks maybe, maybe, a future with Mahiru is possible. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro thinks, maybe, a future with Mahiru is something that can be set in stone. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuro thinks, if Mahiru is by his side, then, maybe things will work out, one way or the other, in the end. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mahiru’s answering grin is bright and determined and so filled with love that it makes Kuro smile, too.

  
  
  
  
  
  


\--

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> On a side note, this is the antithesis of Eat My Heart Out. It plays with the idea of immortality again but this ends on a more hopeful note. And by hopeful I mean yes, most definitely, KuroMahi find a way to break Kuro’s immortality and they live together happy and in love because they deserve it after everything.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic! :3


End file.
